Child of Arkanis
by ObiRenSkywalker
Summary: Today Captain Siri Durran would become the First Order's first female Commodore. It was something that she had dreamed about since she was a teenager in the academy. It was all she ever wanted and thanks to an upbringing that revolved around excellence she had achieved it. Yet she felt cold. The past two years had changed her. He had changed her. Eventual Poe/OC.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello all! So I for one loved the new film and have been a Star Wars fan for a long time. Both of these things combined meant plot bunnies aplenty. I thought the new film brought up some very interesting themes, some of which I would like to explore more through this fic. Primarily, I want to explore the upbringing of the First Order soldiers since Finn seems to imply some sort of indoctrination from a very young age. Siri Durran is my vehicle for exploring this. This chapter takes place approximately a year before the events of The Force Awakens though most of the story will take place even earlier. I hope you like Siri and this story. I've put a lot of thought into it and even had my boyfriend give me his thoughts before I published it. Updates will hopefully be weekly though when university starts again it may be more like bi-weekly. I'll let you know either way. So strap in and enjoy the ride! There's lots of drama ahead...**

 **Merry Christmas!**

 **Disclaimer: I obviously own nothing apart from Siri. I'm just playing around with this world and will put everything back where I found it.**

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 **Chapter 1**

Not a hair out of place. Siri took some small amount of satisfaction from that. She needed to look immaculate for the ceremony. It was unusual for there to even be a ceremony in the first place but today marked the promotion of not just any officer. Today Captain Siri Durran would become the First Order's first female Commodore. At this rate she was practically guaranteed an invitation to the admiralty within five years.

She harshly shoved a few more pins into her bun, just in case. Her fingers executed a routine that seemed both familiar yet foreign. She should be happy that her hands remembered how to style her hair according to regulations. She should also be happy that she was getting the promotion she had yearned for since she was a teenager going through the academy. Two years ago this was all she wanted. A flash of frustration flew through her and she threw the hairpin in her hand onto the bed. Resisting the urge to rake her hands through her polished hair, she instead gripped the sides of the plasteel cabinet and took a harsh look at herself in the mirror.

She saw a mouth that hadn't smiled in a year, though if she looked close enough she could see the small wrinkles that had begun to develop there. They were the remnants of smile lines that hadn't had the chance to fully develop. She saw sharp cheekbones that mimicked icy crevices. Or frosty ones. She saw the wrinkles that should have been around her lips between her eyebrows instead, the remnants of a lifetime of anger, sadness and, more recently, confusion. She saw another woman's eyes staring back at her. It felt like the more Siri caught a glimpse of her reflection, the more she saw another woman. A woman she had never had the chance to know. Would she be disappointed? Siri had disappointed a lot of people over the last couple of years. What she did was unforgivable. To them. To him. The skin between her eyebrows creased again. She was so sorry. She shouldn't be and she wouldn't get the chance to tell them but she hoped that at least thinking it meant something.

The next few minutes she spent schooling her face back into a mask of cool indifference. She was a master of that; she had years of practice. But he'd seen past it. He had made her feel like a person. With his help, she'd become more than just Captain Siri Durran, First Order officer and distinguished graduate of the Arkanis Academy's naval programme with top marks in strategy and tactical analysis. She'd become Siri Durran, a twenty something year old woman who enjoyed Jizz music and playing Pazaak with people she might have called friends.

A knock on her door snapped her out of her thoughts. "It's time, ma'am."

Quickly grabbed her officer's cap, she fitted it snugly on top of her head. She made a few adjustments to make sure it fit neatly on top of her bun and took one last look in the mirror. To almost anyone else she would look how she always did. Cold, impassive and almost regal in her bearing. Only her eyes betrayed her. Only one person had known her well enough to tell that something was wrong but he wasn't there.

She stepped away from the mirror and looked deep into the eyes of the other woman that stared back. "I'm sorry." She had only said that one other time before but she meant every word both times.

Two Stormtroopers escorted her down the dark corridors of the base. The corridors felt claustrophobic and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Forcing her breathing to follow a regular rhythm, she concentrated on the sound her boots made against the rigorously polished floor. The clack of her shined boots in tandem with the steps of the Stormtroopers down corridors that all looked vaguely similar calmed her. Now she just needed to appear more enthusiastic than she currently did. She needed to _be_ more enthusiastic than she was. Everyone thought that this was she wanted. She needed to make them believe that. A practiced smile formed on her face, just bright enough to seem excited while also not too large to seem unprofessional. Image was everything in the Order. They were disciplined soldiers first and people second.

She felt cold as she was led outside. Snow lightly fell on her uniform. They hadn't yet built a hall for such an occasion so a makeshift stage had been built outside the base. After all, efficiency was key for the Order. They had been planning and building the base for nearly thirty years, their priority was to make sure it was operational before they built any sort of appropriate celebration hall.

Hundreds of Stormtroopers and officers were perfectly lined up in front of the stage, spaced apart just so. As she approached the back of the white and black mass, the soldiers all turned to face inwards and saluted her as she passed. The sound of their synchronised movement echoed in her ears as she walked down the aisle they had created, this time without her Stormtrooper escorts. She felt so small as she approached the stage, though she supposed that was the point. It was a symbol of the Order's power and mission which was bigger than any individual.

Alone, she took her place amongst the dignitaries sat on the stage. First there was a speech from Admiral Varik. Something about how inspirational she was and that she was a testament to the fantastic training of the academy. Siri wasn't really paying attention. She didn't expect there to be this many people though really she ought not be surprised. She was an example for all future officers. She was an idol. A First Order officer that had dealt a blow to the Resistance that would take them years to recover from. She wondered how many young officers there were, particularly female, in the audience that truly did idolise her. She shifted stiffly in her seat. She shouldn't be admired. If anything she felt slightly ashamed of her achievements and she did not want to inspire the next generation of Siri Durrans. People shouldn't aspire to be like her.

"Captain Siri Durran, step forward!" The Admiral boomed.

That was her cue. She took her place in front of the Admiral and repeated his words of loyalty and fealty to the Order and its mission while holding the Admiral's hand in her own. The words that came out of her mouth felt rehearsed. She only hoped they did not come across that way.

Behind the Admiral sat the also newly promoted General Hux. The very sight of him made her blood seethe. This was the first time she had ever seen him and she had not forgotten the promise she had made his father. Hux belonged to her and one day she would be happy to see him bleed. Hux's face remained stoic though she could have sworn she saw a slight glimmer of rage burning in his eyes. He looked just like his father.

The Admiral took back his hand and turned to the officer beside him. Carefully taking the bundle of clothing in his arms, he presented Siri with her new uniform. She hesitated briefly and then took the uniform from him with a bare hint of a smile. Then the Admiral turned her to face their waiting and audience.

"I present to you, Commodore Siri Durran!"

Not even Siri could deny the surge of pride she felt as they applauded. She had been waiting for this moment for years. She had always strived to be the very best and in that moment she had proved that she was. No other Arkanis graduate had surpassed her in rank yet. In that moment she had achieved her life ambition. From then on it could only get better for her. She supressed the small voice inside her head that told her otherwise.

She took her seat again and General Hux replaced Admiral Varik at the head of the stage.

"An inspiration to us all!" He lauded, gesturing towards Siri with a condescending smile. She tried to keep her face as still as possible.

After the applause died down once more, General Hux faced the crowd again. "I have yet more news to bring you on this glad day!" He smiled with his arms held open, addressing the crowd with practiced ease. Siri's brows furrowed. Whatever news Hux had to give it couldn't be good.

"Due to your hard work, I am pleased to announce that the weapon you have been tirelessly working to build is ahead of schedule. With no further complications, the weapon will be fully functional within the year."

He continued to speak about how this weapon would bring about the end of the wretched Resistance but his words never reached Siri. She could see Hux's angry spit from where she was sat but his words were never processed. It was as if she was swimming underwater and all sound was drowned out. She continued to watch Hux and the Order with wide eyes. Her breathing became shallower and as they all raised their fists in unison to salute their leader, Siri looked out at the soldiers of the First Order and was horrified by what she saw.

After the ceremony, a select few had been invited to the General's offices for drinks where they toasted to Siri's current and future success. Her face hurt from all of the smiling. She just wanted to hole herself up in her room until she regained her composure. Then she might be ready to face the world. She still hadn't had the time she needed to fully process the General's words. Everyone that she knew was in danger and there was nothing she could do about it. Correction. There was nothing she should do about it. She should be happy. This was a momentous occasion.

A flash of blue and white caught her eye and when she turned she saw a familiar figure in Stormtrooper armour as the doors closed behind him. She froze momentarily and quickly glanced around to see if anyone else had seen him. After assuring herself that he had been unseen, she quickly made her excuses and left.

Racing down the corridors of the base she found him. Having heard her boots, he turned to face her with the Stormtrooper helmet tucked under his arm.

"Traitor." She hissed.

He still smiled. She knew she wasn't fooling him.

"A traitor of what?" His voice was calm. "If betraying the ideals of the First Order makes me a traitor then I will happily bear that title. I thought you understood that."

There was a brief moment of silence and when Siri spoke again she was embarrassed by how much it shook. "What are you doing here Rathu?"

He sighed. "I don't want to be here either Siri. I'm just doing a favour for a friend."

There was a world of meaning behind his red eyes as he said those words and Siri immediately knew of whom he spoke.

"How is he?" She whispered, feeling much like a small child caught misbehaving.

"He has been better."

Hope bloomed in her chest. Did he miss her too? No. It didn't matter. She could not allow herself to care about him anymore. It would only make things harder.

"Why did you do it Siri? To us? To him?" He asked, desperate for answers.

Feeling fully chastised and guilty under his stare, her answer was wholly inadequate and they both knew it. "The Order was everything I knew."

Frustrated, Rathu stepped towards her. "But not anymore Siri! Don't you get it?"

She refused to feel guilty under his eyes anymore and stretched herself out to her full height. "You know I could alert anyone to your presence right now?" It was all bravado and they both knew it.

Rathu smiled sadly. "You never have before."

Siri said nothing more. What more could she say to him? Sensing her reluctance, Rathu smiled at her once last time and hurried back down the corridor. Siri did nothing. She would let him leave with no complications. How different things were between them. They had become something like friends again last year. Siri had ruined that too. She appeared to have quite a gift for that. Tears welled in her eyes but she refused to let herself cry. Staring down the corridor through which Rathu had left, she roughly pulled her officer's cap from her head. A few strands of icy blonde hair fell from her bun but she didn't care.

She felt cold again.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow guys! Thank you so much for the love you're giving this story! I'm so grateful for all of your reviews, favourites and follows and I'm glad some of you are just as excited about this story as me! Just to let you know, I reply to all of my reviews just before I upload the new chapter. So if you get a message from me replying to your review, the new chapter will be up momentarily. So, back to the story! In this chapter we get to see a very different Siri to the one we saw last chapter. Let me know you thoughts!**

 **Guest: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!**

 **Eliza: Really?! Wow, I never thought my writing would have that much of an effect on someone. There's a lot more emotional moments to come.**

 **Guest: Again, really?! You're all going to need tissues handy when reading this story!**

 **Natasha: Thank you! You're wish is my command!**

 **Happy New Year everybody!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from my OCs.**

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 **Chapter 2**

 _Two years earlier…_

Captain Siri Durran was less than pleased. _The Endurance_ may have the best defensive capabilities out of the entire First Order fleet but she still believed that Commodore Sloan was being irresponsible with the hostages. He may outrank her but he was still far too arrogant considering the importance of this mission. They had a Resistance General aboard their ship and he had still not seen fit to increase security or take any adequate extra precautions. He had summoned her own ship, _The Dreadnought_ but that was not enough. What if the Resistance launched an attack? What if they had the help of the New Republic? What little respect she had for Sloan had vanished. For him to summon her to his ship was even worse. They could have spoken via holo but Sloan had insisted that if Siri had any issues that they should speak face to face. She felt uncomfortable leaving her own ship, particularly considering her misgivings about Sloan's plans, or lack thereof. Yet he had insisted and Siri did not really have the option to refuse.

Marching down _The Endurance's_ corridors, every part of her exuded the confidence of a woman sure of her cause. Her hands were held behind her back, forcing her shoulders to roll backwards. Head held high with a steady gaze, she carved a path down the ship's myriad of corridors. Other officers were forced to move out of her way as she stormed past them.

She was stopped at the door to Sloan's office by a Stormtrooper posted outside, who held out his hand to stop her from entering. Before he even got the chance to speak, Siri interjected.

"Captain Siri Durran to see Commodore Sloan." She said coolly, daring him with her eyes to bar her entrance.

After a brief stare down, the Stormtrooper stepped aside, allowing Siri to stride into the office.

Sloan's office was a perfect reflection of himself, Siri mused. Her own office was bare and optimised for efficiency. She had no personal belongings to speak of but everything that she did own had its place and could always be found in its place. In contrast, Sloan's office was an assault on the eyes, a conglomeration of colours and textures. Large, stone statues littered his office. Their grey eyes seemed to watch her as she crossed the room. Siri refused to let them intimidate her, as Sloan had undoubtedly planned for them to do. Sloan himself was lounging in his chair, his now greying hair in disarray. Siri's lip curled as she spotted his feet propped up on his desk and an empty bottle of wine resting in front of him.

Sloan grinned as he saw her, lazily raising his wine glass to her. "Ah, Captain! I've been expecting you."

Siri resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Of course he was expecting her. He had summoned her.

Sensing that she wasn't about to reply, Sloan simply raised an eyebrow and took another sip of his wine. After having taken a rather too large gulp of his drink, Sloan finally swung his dirty boots off the desk and walked over to a drinks cabinet. Siri watched him with distaste as he refilled his glass. He then took another glass and offered it to her.

"I don't drink on the job, sir." Siri said, forcing a smile.

The slight did not go unnoticed. Sloan's own smile hardened. "I heard you have rather…strong opinions on the way I do things around here." He said loftily.

Siri paused, choosing her words carefully. "I simply think that there are more precautions that could be taken considering the high status of some of our hostages."

"You're referring to Wedge Antilles." It was more of a statement than a question.

Of course she was referring to Wedge Antilles. Former rebel leader turned Resistance General, his rise to power had been quite astronomic having come from a backwater, or rather backsand, planet in the Outer Rim. What marked Wedge Antilles out was that he was an excellent pilot, having survived the destruction of both Death Stars and becoming central to the rebel squadron. Having such a hostage in their grasp was a boon for the First Order and Siri was not about to let him slip through their fingers, despite Sloan's incompetence.

"Sir, I just think that a few more ships and…"

"Do you think you could do better?" He interrupted her. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes as he stared at her over his wine glass.

The correct answer was yes, though Siri was not foolish enough to say so in front of a superior. Siri would have taken all necessary precautions to ensure that the Resistance wouldn't even dare attempt a rescue mission. There were words, unkind words, on the tip of the tongue but she did not say them. Siri flexed her fists behind her back but refused to shift her eyes from Sloan's. Siri was not weak and she refused to back down, especially when she knew she was right.

Knowing that this line of conversation was not going to go any further, Sloan changed the topic of conversation radically. "Were you present for the interrogations of the hostages, Captain?" He asked casually, turning to gaze to the observation deck in his office to gaze at the planet below.

Siri's eyebrows creased but she nodded all the same. She had indeed been present at the interrogations of a select few hostages. She had rather enjoyed seeing some of them beg for their lives.

"For all of their delusions, you have to admire their adherence to their cause." Sloan mused. Siri noticed his words becoming more slurred.

Siri vehemently disagreed. Their delusions were a side effect of the lies that had been fed to them, many from a young age. They thought the Order was an evil entity, bent on creating chaos in the galaxy. They could not see the truth. It was their organisation that disrupted the peace. The Order advocated an ordered way of living that benefitted them all. On top of that, they offered opportunities for advancement unlike anyone else. Thanks to her training at the academy, Siri would likely be promoted within the next year or two, making her the first female Commodore in the Order. She would equal the despicable Sloan in rank and benefit from all of the luxuries of such a status. No other organisation in the galaxy had that level of social mobility. Her eyes narrowed. She didn't understand where Sloan was going with this line of discussion and by sympathising with the scum Sloan was skirting dangerously close to treason. She would not hear of anyone speaking ill of the Order. The Order had brought her up and always treated her well. She strived to rise through the ranks and the Order had given her everything she needed to do so.

Apparently her disapproval was evident from her face and Sloan laughed at her as he downed another glass of wine. He was being far too casual about this entire affair, most likely due to brain damage from excessive alcohol consumption throughout his long career. He had likely turned to drink due to the Order's refusal to invite him to the admiralty.

Sloan approached her, coming much too close for her liking. However, she refused to move from her spot or break their eye contact, even when she could smell the wine on his breath. Siri was tall for a woman but Sloan towered over her still, his big, lumbering body swaying as he stood. He opened his mouth to speak but Siri interrupted him. He no longer deserved her social niceties.

"With all due respect, sir, I believe you are being incredibly foolish." Siri said through gritted teeth.

"Oh don't tiptoe around me." He hissed, his unfocused eyes narrowing into slits. "You've never had any respect for me. You and your fancy training at your fancy academy. Don't think I don't know that you've been gunning for my job."

Sloan was clearly more inebriated than she had at first anticipated to have the gall to speak to her in such a way. Siri felt the threat implicit in his tone and slowly withdrew her hands from behind her back. If he attacked her, she wanted to be prepared.

It was at that moment that the alarms of the ship started to blare. Clearly confused, Sloan stumbled over to the comms.

"What's going on?" He barked.

Another voice crackled over the comms. "Sir, we have incoming ships. It looks like an entire fleet just jumped out of hyperspace."

Sloan swore and raked a hand through his mussed hair. His breathing became shaky and his eyes were noticeably wider, still bleary but panicked. Siri took great pleasure in seeing him in that state. They both knew what the officer over the comms had meant. The Resistance had indeed arrived and with help it seemed. Siri had been correct in her fears. Sloan would be punished severely for his oversight. That is, if he survived.

The ship shook as it took its first hit. One of Sloan's precious grey statues fell and shattered on his plush, purple carpet. Another shot caused Siri to stumble, barraging into the drinks cabinet. It appeared that the Resistance had brought all of its firepower.

Sloan yelled in frustration before stumbling over to Siri and roughly taking hold of her shoulders. "28175321."

"What?" Siri yelled over the noise. Her shoulders hurt where Sloan's fingers were digging in.

"The code for Wedge Antilles' containment cell." He said, frantically shaking her. "You want that promotion, then earn it."

Siri immediately understood his intentions and sprinted out of the room.

The corridors were fuller than she had ever seen them. Stormtroopers and officers were all rushing to safety as the ship shook. Debris began to fall from the ceiling, impeding her journey and forcing her to take a longer route to the containment cells. She didn't understand. _The Endurance_ was prized for its shields. There shouldn't be this much damage so soon. Only two possibilities made sense. One was that the Resistance truly had brought not only their own big guns but the New Republic's too. The other was that Sloan hadn't even seen fit to activate the shields. How he had ever been promoted above Lieutenant was a mystery to her, though incompetency did seem to be epidemic amongst the Order's senior officers, many of them being extremely young. Siri would prove to them all now that she was worth far more than the likes of Sloan.

Rounding the corner, she had to quickly throw herself flush to the wall to avoid a blaster shot. Peering back around the corner, she saw Stormtroopers and Resistance soldiers in their characteristic orange uniforms in the midst of a firefight. How had the Resistance boarded the ship so quickly? Questions for another time perhaps. She had a mission to complete.

She arrived at the containment cells a short while after her brush with the wrong end of a blaster. Luckily, no Resistance soldiers had yet reached the cells. She hurriedly input the code into the console to release Wedge Antilles from his cell. She had never seen the Resistance General before and was surprised by how old he appeared. He looked like he had lived a long life fraught with danger, evident in the shock of white hair on top of his head and the lines of his face. His eyes were the eyes of a man that had seen a lot but far too much of the wrong things.

"Come with me." Siri ordered, grabbing the handcuffed general by his arm and holding a blaster at his head to make him comply.

The old man was surprisingly spry for his age and kept up with Siri as she dragged him through the ship. She had already mentally plotted the best route to the hangar and they reached it with little issue. She just needed to commandeer a ship to get them off _The Endurance_. That was the part that she was dreading the most. Siri was the best tactician and strategist. She was also quite the crack shot and had an air of authority about her that made her a natural leader. That wasn't arrogance on her part it was simply fact. What she was not a natural at was flying.

She spotted a nearby TIE fighter and made that their goal. Quickly surveying the area, she realised that her best plan was simply to run and hope they made it. She felt incredibly uncomfortable with this plan, if it could even qualify as a plan, but it was the best she could come up with in such an open space with not very many places to hide, especially not when lugging around a hostage. The Stormtroopers seemed to be doing a good job at distracting the Resistance soldiers that had just landed. It was now or never.

She quickly turned to her hostage and waved her blaster in front of his face. "If you make any noise, the end of my blaster will be the last thing you see."

The General hesitated but then nodded reluctantly. Taking a quick, calming breath, she seized the moment and dragged him with her as she ran for the TIE fighter. Her heart was pounding in her chest as her boots pounded through the hangar. She had almost made it when a Resistance soldier saw her as he jumped out of his black X-Wing.

"Hey!" He yelled, gesturing towards her so his comrades would see.

She ducked a blaster shot and threw herself into the TIE fighter. Immediately knocking Wedge out with the butt of her blaster, she heaved him into one of the seats and then climbed over him to take the pilot's seat. A quick glance through the front window told her that the Resistance soldiers were getting far too close to be comfortable. She needed to leave and she needed to leave now. As soon as she remembered how to fly a TIE fighter. It had been years since she had flown one and the last time had not gone well.

Frantically pushing buttons and pulling levers she managed to get the TIE fighter off the ground, the surge of the engines spurring her on. She held her breath until she managed to manoeuvre herself out of the hangar. The wings of the TIE fighter had hit the sides of the hangar on the way out and she suspected that the fighter would have a few burn marks from Resistance blasters but she was in one piece. This was already going better than the last time she was in a TIE fighter.

Once in space, she gasped as she saw the sheer size of the Resistance fleet. Her suspicions about them having help from the New Republic were correct. Two New Republic cruisers had accompanied the X-Wing squadron and other Resistance ships. _The Endurance_ didn't stand a chance. It looked like Sloan never was going to earn those Admiral stripes. She saw her own ship, _The Dreadnought_ ,putting up a good fight but it was unlikely that the little ship would survive. Siri's eyes drifted over the ship's command deck as she thought about the lives that would undoubtedly be lost in the fight. She allowed herself a moment of sadness before refocusing on the task at hand: getting out alive.

She jerked her arms on the controls to dodge an X-Wing coming her way. Her eyes were constantly wide and darting around her field of view. She didn't know how she was going to get out of this alive. Her best shot was simply to clear the field of battle and immediately jump into hyperspace. She fumbled with the controls to prepare the small fighter for hyperspace. She was just reaching the edge of the battle when a shot from an X-Wing threw her forwards, her head smashing into the controls. Her vision blurred, she tried to frantically control the ship but another shot destroyed one of the wings. The TIE fighter was sent hurtling downwards. Her head again crashed into the console in. Her forehead felt warm and she felt a wet substance dripping down it and past her eyes which had begun to see black spots. Her breathing was laboured and she started to panic as she realised that there was nothing else that she could do at that point. The spots in her vision grew larger until all she saw was black. Siri passed out as the TIE fighter began to fall into the atmosphere of the planet below.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much for your continued support guys! You really do make my day with your reviews! AmeliaBedelia94 pointed out that there are a couple of mistakes here and there (thank you so much for letting me know by the way!) so if any of you do spot something please let me know so I can correct it. I try my best but sometimes things slip my notice. Also, university starts again next week so I can no longer promise weekly updates. It's sad, I know! During term time I will likely update bi-weekly so if there isn't another chapter published the first Thursday then there definitely will be the following Thursday. Anyways, on with the chapter! This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous ones but there's quite a bit of character stuff crammed in so I hope you like it. Also, just out of curiosity, I was wondering if you guys had any theories about this story and where it might go and whether you had any ideas for an actress that could play Siri. It'll be fun to compare notes in the future! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Guest: Thank you! That's what I was going for with the contrast between chapters.**

 **Guest: Haha soon you shall! Thanks for reviewing!**

 **Jess: Thank you! You're too sweet!**

 **Disclaimer: Only the OCs are mine.**

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 **Chapter 3**

Siri was dreaming. She knew she was dreaming because the dream was intensely familiar to her, a memory that often flitted to the front of her thoughts whenever she slept. Much of her childhood was a blur before she was approximately eight years old. That woman, however, she always remembered. A woman with a much warmer aura than her complexion hinted at. She was especially kind and good to her compared to the other children. She often smiled around her and it made Siri feel special to get such attention from such a beautiful woman. Yet even as a child Siri recognised sadness. It was reflected in the beautiful woman's eyes whenever she looked at her. Siri didn't want her to be sad. She had never seen the woman sadder than the day they were parted. Men in grey uniforms came to take her away. She made no noise and she did not fight back but her eyes became blue pools of tears. Siri cried for hours for the bond that they had shared. Without her, Siri felt empty and cold. The next day, Siri was given the regulation uniform that she would wear for the next ten years. A grey tunic, trousers and black boots that she would clean and polish until she could see her own face in them. She never saw her or any of the other women again.

Siri awoke with a gasp. Her head felt too hot to be comfortable and she could feel the tightening of the skin around her forehead where blood had dried. Her once immaculate uniform was blood stained and one of her legs was stuck under a TIE fighter wing. Regulating her breathing, she timed her exhalation with an attempt to heave her leg from underneath the wing. She could feel the metal slowly scrape along her skin as she tugged on her leg. The pain was almost too much but her first and only thought was of the mission. She had to get her leg out from under the wing. Gritting her teeth, she gave one last yank and successfully pulled her mangled leg free. After quickly taking stock of her injuries and calculating that most, if not all, were purely superficial wounds she forced herself to stand.

Limping over to the other side of the fighter, she frantically searched the wreckage for Wedge Antilles. Throwing aside lumps of metal and electronics, she dug through to the second seat of the fighter. Siri froze. He wasn't there.

Her breathing quickened and fists clenched. He wasn't there. She was stuck on an uncivilised planet with no ship and no hostage either. She wasn't sure what she was more afraid of, dying on this planet alone and uncelebrated or living to see the punishment the First Order dealt to its disappointments. The Order did not tolerate failure of any kind. She had never seen what happened to those who failed. She only knew that she never saw them again. She roared and kicked the pile of scrap metal at her feet. Her foot throbbed from the force but she ignored it. How had she let this happen? She was Siri Durran, Captain of the First Order and distinguished graduate of the Arkanis Academy. She did not fail. The academy had beaten that disgusting habit out of her early. This could ruin everything. All of her plans for the future would amount to nothing if she did not fix this. She could not afford such a blemish on her record. She had to find a ship but first she had to find Wedge Antilles and she had to find him now.

Her rage fuelled every step through the jungle. The planet itself was overgrown with flora and fauna but her feet never faltered. The atmosphere was warm and humid but she never removed any part of her uniform, despite sweating through most of it. Her boots began to uncomfortably rub her feet but she ploughed onwards. Her goal was singular and her mind could think of little else, not food or even water, though she found little of either. Her body was completely at the whim of her determination. She would find him and when she did she would make sure that she was personally present at his interrogation.

Hours passed and the day grew dark. Her journey into the wilderness had not yielded results. Yet her desperation overrode her weariness and she trudged on. A few hours into the dark night it began to rain. The raindrops soaked through her uniform to her bare skin. Shivering, she continued onwards. She would find him. She had to find him. Then her foot snagged on a vine and she tripped into a pool of mud. Slamming her fists into the dirty water, Siri growled and forced herself to persist. Her body was cold and wet yet her throat began to feel hot and dry. Unrelenting, Siri concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other but her eyes felt heavy. Black dots filled her vision again and she felt herself fall before everything went black.

Siri was dreaming again. She saw a twelve year old Siri sat at a desk in a room full of identically dressed children. She was taking the test that would determine which stream she would follow, the Stormtrooper or the officer. Even at twelve years old, she was confident enough in her own abilities that she knew she would be an officer. The best students were always officers. The rest joined the faceless mass of the Stormtroopers. Their training up until that point had been basic but also rigorous. After this test they would specialise. A few days later she found out that she had come top of the class and would begin officer training immediately. Due to her test results, she was gifted with the best room in the academy. She revelled in her superiority and enjoyed the prestige and rewards that came with it. That would start a lifetime of achievement mongering. She wanted nothing more than to be the best and she would not settle for any less. Neither would her instructors. When she was young and not yet properly disciplined she occasionally fell short of their high expectations. They told her she was meant for great things and that they were helping her achieve greatness. By punishing her they were helping her. She believed them. She had seen for herself the rewards and preferential treatment given to those who excelled and she yearned for their validation. She saw the Commandant, domineering and proud, berating her for letting the hostage go free. She could have done more. She should have done more. It was like being in a bubble. She couldn't breathe or move. Whenever she tried to defend herself she would open her mouth but no sound would come out. She clawed at her own throat, nails racking down her neck. Blood seeped under her nails and she began to cry as the Commandant told her that she wasn't good enough. She had only ever had delusions of greatness. She would never achieve what she desired. The Commandant told her that she should consider it a kindness if she died then and there in the dirt of that forsaken planet. Then he leaned forward until his mouth almost brushed her ear. Paralysed, she could only listen as the Commandant issued the final blow. She was such a disappointment.

She jolted awake, choking on a gasp. The sudden movement jerked at her wrists and she hissed as she felt cool metal dig into her skin. Craning her neck to see behind herself she saw her wrists bound together. Somebody had restrained her. She moved as if to stand and was stopped by a voice.

"Ah ah! I wouldn't try that if I were you."

Whipping her head around so fast a few pieces of hair fell into her face, she saw a man with dark hair, tanned skin and a roguish grin. Her eyes narrowed. Of course it was him. The pilot.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm back! University has begun again and I've been really busy with job applications lately. Hopefully by the next time you hear from me I'll have a job! This chapter is again quite short but it also marks the first real interaction between Siri and a certain pilot. I hope you like it! The next chapter will be up in another couple of weeks.**

 **Guest: Awwww! Thank you so much!**

 **Gabrielle: Hmmmm I hadn't thought of Charlize Theron actually! Now that I think about though she would be a great Siri! Thank you!**

 **Guest: Hopefully you like the beginnings of their...very difficult relationship.**

 **Diana: Awwww! That's very sweet of you to say! Here is some more air!**

 **Disclaimer: You know the drill. I only own OCs.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

"So, do you have a name?" The pilot asked, squatting in front of her.

Siri said nothing. She refused to speak to Resistance scum. Instead she kept her eyes trained on his. She may not have the upper hand in this situation but she would not dignify any of his questions with an answer and she would make sure her gaze was sure and proud. She was an officer of the First Order and she would be seen to quiver under his eyes.

He sighed. "Look, if you don't give me a name, I'm just gonna have to make one up for you."

Eyes narrowing, she took note of his raised eyebrow and quirked lips. He was mocking her. Siri inclined her chin upwards proudly but made no comment.

The pilot sighed again, wiping a hand down his face. "Well alright then." He leaned further in, close enough that Siri could smell the sweat on his skin. His gaze passed over her hair and face before settling back onto her eyes. She could see his tongue press against the inside of his cheek while in deep thought and then he smiled, victorious. "I think I'll call you frosty."

How original. She had blonde hair, pale skin and blue eyes and he was going to call her frosty. Her face must have shown her distaste because he chuckled.

"What?" He asked, jokingly taken aback by her disapproval. "You don't like it? I think it suits you."

Now he was laughing at her. Siri wanted nothing more than to smash her head into his nose and watch him bleed. Later, perhaps. When his guard was not up.

She watched as he stood and moved towards a makeshift camp he had created. The rain had stopped but there was still moisture in the air and the ground was still damp. Small specks of sunlight beamed through the trees and a small fire struggled and sputtered a few feet from where she sat. The pilot rummaged through a pack on the ground and withdrew two energy bars. He ripped the packet off of one and started munching on it while making his way back to where Siri was sat. All the while Siri imagined several ways she could kill him if she had the chance. Using the handcuffs to strangle him would be some nice irony.

Waving the other energy bar in front of her face, the pilot sat in front of her with crossed legs. "You want one?"

She gave him a withering look. He knew full well that she couldn't eat it without the use of her hands and she refused to let him feed her. She would rather starve.

"Oh yeah! You're a little tied up at the moment aren't you?" He teased, though there was a slight blunt edge to his words that Siri did not miss.

Having eaten the rest of his energy bar, he pocketed the other and shuffled into a comfier sitting position. Did the man not know how to sit still? Looking at her again, he dropped all pretences of niceness. His eyes were serious and there was no longer an easy smile on his face.

"Look, you don't have to tell me your name. I don't really care who you are. What I do care about is the old man I saw you with before you crashed on this damned planet."

He was fiercely loyal to his comrades this pilot. How unusual.

There was a fire in his dark eyes as he asked his next question. "Where is he?"

Siri simply quirked an eyebrow. The pilot was clearly not impressed with her response.

He leaned further in and his voice remained calm but with an air of urgency. "Where is General Antilles?"

Still, Siri said nothing.

Clearly tired with her silence, the pilot sighed for the third time. "Look, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not gonna force you to do or say anything. But I need to know where he is."

Her jaw tightened. He wasn't going to hurt her? She found that hard to believe. The Resistance were known for their cruel treatment of prisoners throughout the Order. Those who were taken were never seen again. All that she knew was hearsay but she had no reason to doubt it. Any prisoners of the Resistance were physically and mentally tortured until they broke. Though she would like to see them try to break her. She wasn't just some waif of a girl that a strong wind would knock over. Siri was the strong wind. While Siri was mulling over the implications of his words, the pilot watched her. He was a little too close to her face for Siri to be comfortable but she would not back down. She was the wind and she would happily blow him over the nearest cliff if given the chance. She stifled a grin at her homicidal thoughts but remained silent.

The pilot clearly got the hint. He raised his hands in surrender. "Fine. You don't have to talk to me." He went to stand and took a few steps away from her before turning back. "Oh but until I find him, and I will find him, you're stuck with me." He said casually.

Yet the pilot had it all wrong. She was not stuck with him. He was stuck with her. She would not talk to him but she had other ways to make their time together decidedly unpleasant. They all ended with Siri watching as the life drained from his eyes. She would not shoot him. That was far too quick and impersonal. No she wanted to watch him die and she wanted him to watch her do it.

It was odd that he did not appear to feel the same way about her. They were by definition mortal enemies. She was surprised he hadn't just killed her in her sleep. If she had found a Resistance soldier, isolated and injured, she wouldn't have thought twice about pulling the trigger. This pilot, on the other hand, seemed to honestly be unwilling to hurt her. He could have done innumerable things to try and get her to talk. Considering her current injuries, he could have stuck a finger into the gash on her leg and refused to pull it out until she told him everything he wanted to know. That would have been her method of interrogation if their roles had been reversed. Speaking of her injuries, it had not escaped her notice that the pilot had also tended to the cuts on her leg and forehead. Her leg was covered in white bandaging and she could feel the same cloth around her head. The pilot was far too soft. It was a wonder he had lived to as old as he was without growing a backbone in the process. They were at war. Neither side would say but they all knew it. In war, only the tough survived, those willing to do what was necessary. She doubted this pilot was made of the right stuff. So few were in her experience.

She watched him suspiciously as he gathered together his few belongings and stubbed out the fire with his boot. Unless this was all a trick. Perhaps he was just keeping her alive for now until he could get her back to the Resistance base. Once there, they would undoubtedly torture her for information. That had to be it. It seemed just the right kind of cruel for the Resistance. She wondered if he would watch. Maybe he would be given the honour of interrogating her. Not that she would tell them anything. She would rather die first. Though she would not let it get that far. She was going to personally make sure that he never made it off this planet alive.

Having gather together all of his things, he turned to face Siri, beckoning her towards him. "Let's go frosty." He said, almost jovially.

Siri held her breath and shifted her legs so that the currently working one could support her weight. Without the help of her arms to stabilise her though, pain still exploded down her thigh and she could feel her muscles strain through the bandages. She winced as she heaved herself onto two feet. She would have to walk very gingerly until her leg healed but at least the pain would cover the secretive little smile she had on her face.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So it's actually past midnight in England which means this chapter is slightly late. Sorry! It's still Thursday somewhere right? I've been really busy with job applications though I still don't have a job sadly. I suppose I've just got to keep trying and your reviews make me so happy anyways. You guys can always cheer me up whenever I'm not feeling my best. So in this chapter, we have the first conversation between Poe and Siri. Let me know what you think guys!**

 **Guest: Nope! Definitely not the best start! It's quite fun to put together two people who really should clash on most levels and see what happens though. Thanks for the review!**

 **Gabrielle: That definitely won't be happening for a long time. I'm so glad you're enjoying it though!**

 **Disclaimer: You know the drill.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

They had been trekking through the jungle for a couple of days now and Siri still refused to speak to the pilot. However, this did not appear to deter him from trying. Siri was rather growing tired of hearing his voice to be frank. She was actually enjoying a moment of silence when the pilot piped up again.

"So are you actually just mute or something?" Siri looked up and saw him staring back at her while they continued to walk onwards. She held his gaze for a moment and then looked back to the ground, concentrating on dragging her injured leg through the undergrowth in the least painful manner possible.

He did not seem to get the hint. "Coz I would feel bad if I've been talking to you all this time and you can't actually talk back." Siri was unamused by his continued attempts at conversation. Her hands begin to feel hot and sore in their restraints. She flexed her fingers but said no more.

Yet still he continued to talk. "Or did the First Order just never teach you how to talk." Her eyes flickered back to his. She could see herself reflected in his eyes, her gaze burning into his. Flexing her fingers again, she looked away, her feet pounding against the jungle floor.

Then the pilot broke her. "Or maybe you could talk once and they just cut out your tongue." His back was turned to her and his tone was light and casual but Siri's reaction was anything but.

"I am surprised that you still have yours. Did the Resistance never teach you when to shut up?" Her words were hard and biting and her eyes held a warning as she glared back at him.

For a moment it looked as if the pilot may bite back. He had stopped in his tracks and she could see the muscles in his body tense. The air was still and thick. He turned to look at her with tightness in his jaw. Just as she thought he may threaten her, he instead did something completely odd. He laughed. More like a loud chuckle, his laugh was a warm rumble in his chest that couldn't be contained. This caused his shoulders to relax and then he actually grinned at her. Siri's eyebrows furrowed but her glare remained. She did not understand what had just happened.

"So you do have a voice after all." He joked. Siri was still annoyed that he had laughed at her. People did not laugh at her.

On the defensive, Siri retaliated. "You can say whatever you like about me but you may not speak ill of the Order in my presence." Her voice was clipped and calm but barely restrained. "Do not speak of things you do not know. The Order is not like your filthy group of thieves and murderers. We do not commit such barbarous acts."

She saw a flash of annoyance in his eyes and his jaw tighten again though he kept his tone casual. "We're not like that."

Siri did not respond again. She had said her peace and defended the Order. She would be happy to slip back into enforced silence again. Making her intentions clear, she stepped forward but he simply stood in her way. She was happy to discover that they were in fact the same height. Rather short for a man, he could not use physical intimidation and stature and she could meet his eyes directly.

Now nose to nose, he mockingly raised an eyebrow. "You can't keep ignoring me now I know you can talk. That would just be rude."

There was a slight pause as Siri stubbornly refused to speak again. She tried to sidestep him but he matched her steps to block her path. Looking back at him again, she sighed. "What else could we possibly talk about?" She said, clearly frustrated by his persistence.

"Well you could actually tell me your name now."

Fine. If that was what he wanted to know then she would be happy to oblige and watch his reaction smugly once he discovered her rank. She drew back her shoulders to stretch to her full height, as dignified as she could in her tattered, bloody uniform and chains. "I am Captain Siri Durran of the First Order, distinguished graduate of the academy with a speciality in space strategy." She purposefully omitted the full name of the academy so as not to give away its location.

She revelled in his shocked reaction. She knew that she looked quite young and for someone so young to have reached such a rank was unusual.

Taking advantage of his silence, she threw a jab back at him. "It is common courtesy to provide your own name when you ask for another's."

He met her challenge with a proud upturn of the chin. "Commander Poe Dameron, at your service."

She could feel her blood suddenly begin to pound in her ears. This was Poe Dameron. The thorn in the Order's side. From what First Order intelligence she had been privy to, he had only recently joined the Resistance after defecting from the New Republic. The reason why she did not know but she could infer that it was due to general frustration with the New Republic's lack of action. Disbanding the army was not a particularly smart move from Mon Mothma who had otherwise proven herself to be a very shrewd politician. Yet his short career with the New Republic and the Resistance had built him quite the reputation. He was known in many circles as an incredibly talented pilot, usually taking the lead on various Resistance missions. She took some slight satisfaction, however, from the fact that she outranked him. A talented pilot he may be but he could not match her for intelligence. This small satisfaction was largely forgotten though by the involuntary signs of hostility she was aware she was emitting. Her fists were clenched and her breathing heavy. She had hated him before. Now she loathed him.

Also standing at his full height, he tried to stretch himself more to look down at her. "You're a little young for a Captain, aren't you?"

"An academy upbringing has many advantages. Mainly superior training, both physical and cerebral, that leads to fast track promotions within the Order for its best students. I was the best." She stated proudly.

"Did your parents put you in the academy?" He asked, seeming to be genuinely curious.

Yet Siri was just confused. "My parents? I never knew my parents."

"You never knew your parents?" He asked incredulously.

She shook her head. "No. That was not unusual. Some were enrolled in the academy later in life but most of us had been there for as long as we can remember."

She did remember one boy in particular. She was around thirteen years old, or so she had been told, and was in her room one night. Her nights back then were mainly spent reading or exercising, constantly trying to better herself to stay ahead of her peers. On that particular night she remembered that it had been raining, as it so often did on Arkanis. She had been doing her nightly workout regime until her sit ups were interrupted by voices outside her room. The voice of a young boy pierced through the regular silence. He spoke a language she did not understand. There were two other voices that sounded more mature. One was feminine and stern while the other was masculine and calm. The voices got louder as they came closer to her room. She heard the door to the room next to hers open and the boy's crying became louder. The older man sounded sympathetic. The boy's crying grew to hysterical heights and she heard the door slam shut. She listened to that boy cry for the rest of the night. She did not understand what could have possibly provoked such a reaction from him. She still didn't understand. Later she would find out that they were his parents though she still did not completely understand why that changed how he would react to being separated from them. The boy later tried to explain it to her but she could not empathise with something that she had never felt before.

Though she wasn't sure why, Poe's eyes seemed to look at her with sympathy. "I can't imagine never knowing my parents."

"Well I can't imagine knowing them." She retorted, matter-of-fact about what was clearly an emotional issue for him.

There was a lull in the conversation as Siri appeared to shut off that avenue of conversation. Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly, Poe found a way to continue.

"My mother was the one that taught me how to drive a speeder." He said, though it was as if he wasn't speaking directly to her. He simply stared at the jungle floor with a fond smile.

This was completely alien to Siri. She had only ever had a discussion about parents with one other person and that had been that boy. He had not been able to make her understand and she had simply dismissed it when she was young. Yet now that the topic had been raised again, she pondered on it more. Poe clearly felt a deep connection with the people who had birthed him. She could not imagine being tied to another person in such a way. But rather than dismiss it, she was now intrigued by it. Clearly the boy had not been an isolated case and it was in fact common to have such feelings.

Though she made no indication that she wanted to know more, Poe continued to speak. "She was a pilot for the Rebel Alliance."

Siri's lip curled. Of course she was. He seemed like the sort of person who had that in his blood. It was likely her that led him astray at such a young age. There was a small niggling in the back of her mind though that wanted to know more. Parental love was a completely foreign concept to her and she wished to satisfy her curiosity. What made him feel that way towards his parents? What was it like to feel linked to others in that way? Did he also cry when he was separated from them and, if so, why? She had never cried over any other person before. All of these questions circled in her mind but she did not ask them. A Resistance pilot was not the most trustworthy source for such things. She would satisfy her curiosity elsewhere after she satisfied her bloodlust for his head separated from his body. Perhaps she could use some of the surrounding foliage to choke him and simultaneously slice through his neck. For now, she was done with talking.

"Well," She began with fake civility. "Shouldn't we be on our way to rescue your missing General?"

His eyes bore into hers and she couldn't shake the feeling that he wanted to say something else to her. What disturbed her more was that, although she did not know what he would say, she was scared about what he may ask. For a moment, she had been vulnerable, whether he knew it or not. She forced herself to remain still and not fidget under his gaze. Eventually, he nodded with an indecipherable expression on his face. Turning his back to her, he ducked under a tree branch and Siri followed him through the jungle again feeling rather more uncomfortable and confused than she had before.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Yet another chapter published just before my self-imposed deadline. Sorry about that. I still don't have a job and have been busy trying to find one while also doing my degree. It is final year, as everyone keeps reminding me. This chapter is also quite short but it's all Poe/Siri interaction so I hope you can forgive me. I know things seem pretty slow going right now but that's because I really need to build the foundation of their relationship and their individual characters before we jump into anything. Hopefully you like it. Thank you for all of your reviews. I appreciate everything single one of them. You silent readers out there, thank you for also continuing to support me but if you could also drop me a review that would be great, mainly because I want to know how I can improve. Love you all.**

 **Guest: Haha perhaps! I'm glad you liked it!**

 **Gabrielle: Yeah I did do that on purpose. Mainly because I wanted Siri to be on the taller side for a girl because I thought it fit her character and then I found out that Oscar Isaac isn't really that tall for a guy. So I thought I would just make them the same height. Thank you for your continued support.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

The next day, Poe still would not cease with his incessant questioning. Siri now bitterly regretted having engaged with him at all. If she had known that it would have only made his tongue looser she wouldn't have spoken. Perhaps it would have been better if she had just pretended to be mute for the entire duration of their journey. Luckily, she had become attuned to the noises of the jungle and his voice slowly became nothing more than static, a buzzing sound in her ears that was always present and incredibly annoying but easily ignored. He asked her about the Academy, about her training, about her life. She never answered.

The weather on the jungle planet only seemed to be getting warmer. Her uniform stuck to her skin and her sweaty palms chafed against the restraints. These conditions were not new to her, she had been trained to deal with such scenarios, but the heat still made her uncomfortable. She much preferred the cold. Occasionally it rained, which she enjoyed. The droplets of moisture cooled her, if only momentarily, and it felt like she was back in the Academy where it rained almost every day. It made her current situation feel slightly less alien and slightly more comforting. She also took great pleasure in Poe's apparent annoyance with the rain. He always tried to shelter himself, holding something above his head so as not to get wet while Siri merely trudged on, happy to let the raindrops slide down her face. It made her a ghastly sight but it was just another way to feel superior. Poe could not handle the elements like she could. She was made of much hardier stuff. The Academy had made sure of that.

It was during a dry spell that Poe had decided to resume questioning. The buzzing in her ears seemed louder for some reason. She desperately wanted to just swat him away, like one of the jungle insects that were constantly flying around their heads. Tired and irritable, she finally replied, hoping to shut him once and for all.

"Why bother asking, pilot, when you know I won't answer?" She asked sharply. She purposely omitted both his name and title; his authority was no authority to her.

There was a slight pause. Poe seemed surprised that she had finally answered him. He recovered quickly though and gave her a roguish grin. "I just figured that my natural charm would win you over eventually, frosty."

"I think you have too much confidence in yourself." She wasn't teasing, simply stating a fact.

He was still grinning. "It's never let me down before."

"You must have made a lot of friends that way." She quipped sarcastically.

"Made a lot of enemies too."

Siri couldn't say she was surprised. "If you don't shut up you'll soon have another one." She retorted making it clear that the conversation was over.

Poe didn't seem to know the meaning of 'shut up'. "You must have made a lot of friends yourself with your warm personality."

Siri restrained a small smile. He was getting annoyed with her. Finally. Maybe he would shut up if he got irritated. She turned to face him with a superior smirk. "I don't need friends to get where I want to be."

"You never had any friends?"

She did have a friend once, though she would never tell Poe. She wasn't even sure whether he had counted as a friend. They had talked often and had, at least at first, an easy companionship. Was that friendship? Her friend had been the young boy that had cried in the room next to hers after being left by his parents. Young Siri had pushed herself against their shared wall and told him to stop crying. They didn't like it if they cried. The crying died down and then, in a heavily accented voice, he told her that he missed his parents. Young Siri was confused. She didn't know what parents were. He tried to explain the concept to her. She said it sounded nice though they were empty words. The young Siri didn't understand. There was a slight pause and she couldn't hear him cry anymore. He asked her where her parents were. She said that she didn't have any. Then he appeared to be confused and said that everybody had parents. The younger Siri simply brushed it off. She didn't have parents and neither did anyone else that she knew. They continued to chat and built a good rapport. The boy told her about the outside world, life away from Arkanis. Siri had been spellbound and amazed but yet unsure. It sounded too amazing. How could there be that much colour, life and 'love'? Arkanis was grey and cold. Chatting between the wall became a nightly pastime for the two pre-teens. The boy would later be placed in her class but it quickly became clear that he did not excel like she did. He was often punished and he would go on to do some terrible things that she didn't agree with. They certainly couldn't be called friends anymore and Siri had not endeavoured to make any friends since. As far as Poe was concerned, she had never had any friends. That's what she often pretended was the case anyways. All of that flashed through her mind in the equivalent of a second.

"No, I never had any friends." She said in response to his question, though her tone was more wistful than she had intended.

Poe seemed to study her for a moment and then nodded. She disliked talking with him but it seemed the more that they did the more they understood each other. Unsure how to respond, she nodded awkwardly. They seemed to have entered new social territory. No longer did they argue, partly because Siri didn't have the energy but also because she just didn't want to. She just wanted to get through their journey, escape and go on her way. As a result of her new ambivalence, their conversations seemed to be becoming more cordial. Siri wasn't sure whether she liked that.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: *crawls out form under rock* I'm alive! University hasn't killed me though it did come very close. I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long guys. University and job searching took over my life for a long time. I have conquered one (I did my final university exam ever this week!) but not the other (still don't have a job...). But I have been renewed with energy at the prospect of graduating and knowing that I will never need to know about the medieval conception of the afterlife again. To make it up to you guys, and since I have no excuse now because I have all the time in the world, you will be getting at least one chapter a week, if not more, from now on until something changes (hopefully by me getting a job). Thank you so much for your continued support and let's catch up with the Siri and Poe show! Hopefully you like it and let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer: You know the drill.**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

It was raining again. As it had the day before and the day before that when Siri and Poe had seemed to strike an accord. The rain had not bothered her before but now it seemed to only punctuate the melancholy of her situation. It relieved her from the heat but also weighed her uniform down. It made her usually polished to perfection boots stick in the mud and rub against her ankle. She could feel every time a blister burst and the puss seeped into the rest of her boot. It hurt but she would not let Poe know that. What she found more annoying was the increasingly awful state of her appearance. She didn't care if her hair got wet but she did care when it got in her face. The immaculate bun that she had in her hair was unrecognisable. The front fell in her face and she could feel the rest, which should have been perfectly in the middle of the back of her head, bounce at the nape of her neck as she walked. For Siri, who was used to looking no less than clean, polished and practical, her hair then was a constant annoyance. She had tried to fix it before but the cuffs did not allow her quite enough range of movement to retie her hair. She could have asked Poe to take the cuffs off while she put her hair back up but she refused to seem like she was struggling or uncomfortable in anyway. She would not give him any more leverage to tease her. Siri was not a woman to tease.

Siri had initially thought that the frustration she had with her hair she hid well until she tried to blow a portion of hair out of the front of her face. She froze as she heard Poe chuckle and whipped her head around to catch him smirking at her. Her eyes narrowed as she fixed him with a steely gaze. This only made him laugh more.

"What's a matter princess? Need a hot bath? A foot rub?" He teased.

Siri scoffed. She had been through much worse conditions but that did not mean that she had to like it. "I am perfectly accustomed to such conditions. Perhaps your training was lacking however." She retorted, pointedly looking at how he held his hands over his head to shield from the rain.

It didn't stop Poe from grinning. Siri only scoffed again before whipping her head back around and continuing to trudge through the jungle overgrowth. There was a merciful pause before Poe spoke again.

"What was it like?" He asked.

Siri sighed. "What was what like?" She already knew the answer. He had been prodding for days.

"Your training. At the academy."

If Siri did not know better she would have thought he was genuinely only curious. However, Siri did know better. She was not about to tell him about how the First Order trained their best operatives. There was a reason why few people, even in the First Order, knew what happened on Arkanis. Secrets were better kept the fewer people who knew the secret.

She sighed again, a bad habit that seemed to only be exacerbated by Poe. "You know I will not tell you so why do you ask?"

"Well if I don't even ask you're definitely not going to tell me, are you?" His tone was light but still with an air of curiosity.

That irritated her. He thought that he would be able to wear her down if he was persistent enough. If the Commandant had been unsuccessful what made him think that he, a lowly pilot, would succeed? He clearly had an inflated view of his own skills.

Siri flexed her fists and then spun around to stop Poe in his tracks. "Look, this will go much better for both of us if you stop asking questions you know that I will not answer. All you are doing is antagonising me and I can assure that you do not want to antagonise me in my current state." Her words held a sharp edge as they stood, noses almost touching and her hair dripping onto his face. She enjoyed watching the surprise in his eyes as she held her ground, every muscle in her body tightly bound.

He took a step back and avoided her gaze, instead staring at a spot over her shoulder. Siri smirked. She had succeeded in making him feel nervous and uncomfortable. She was almost disappointed. It had been too easy to beat him back into submission with just a few words.

"They teach you how to run at the Academy?" He suddenly asked, his voice steady and his body still except for his breathing. He still was not meeting her gaze.

Siri furrowed her brow. What a stupid question. "Of course they did. I can run a mile in five minutes and 21 seconds." She said proudly, imperiously tipping her chin up in arrogance.

Poe's eyes flicked back to her and then pointed to the spot he had previously been staring at behind her shoulder. "Good. Coz we might wanna start running."

Confused, she turned to look at where had been pointing and froze. A beast several times the size of any human emerged from the underbrush. Its green scales that matched the bushes it had emerged from, slowly transformed into a dully grey, starting at its feet and finishing at the very tip of its tail. It snapped its jaws at them and then roared, the hair on Siri's body raising as she gasped. She felt cold as its scales began to flare out from its body and the very tips turned a threatening red colour. Just as the beast began to move towards them, Poe yanked on Siri's arm, his warm hands burning through her uniform, causing her restraints to painfully pull against her wrists as he dragged her away. She yelped and pulled her arm out of his grasp and they ran.

Siri didn't need to look behind her to know that the beast was giving chase. She could hear its lumbering steps behind her and feel the vibrations on the jungle floor from its weight. The rain whipped against her face as she ran, frustratingly slower than Poe without the use of her arms to give her any momentum. Her leg burned, having not fully healed over the past few days but she pushed through. She would be damned if she died on some backwater planet with only a Resistance pilot to witness her death. She would not give him that privilege.

Poe was running ahead of her, leaping over logs and ducking under vines, occasionally glancing behind him to fire a shot at the beast. Siri was forced to duck as one blaster shot just skimmed past her head.

"Careful!" She yelled. She would also be damned if he was the one to kill her. At least before she had the opportunity to grant him the same courtesy.

They kept running, twisting and turning in attempts to lose the beast but it was too fast. A particularly nasty landing after jumping over a puddle had slowed Siri down, the pain in her leg reaching a new threshold. She could barely think, her breath coming wheezes as she tried to keep up with Poe. The noise from the beast only seemed to be getting louder though she dared not look behind her to see how close it was. She could vaguely hear Poe yelling something but couldn't make out his words. All she could hear was the rain and wind whipping past her face as she ran, the beast behind her, her own breathing and the blood pounding in her head. The distance between herself and Poe only seemed to be getting larger until she could barely make out where he was in all of the bushes and trees.

As she vaulted a particularly large fallen tree, she landed with a thump on muddy terrain. Recovering quickly, she tried to lift one foot to continue running but her foot didn't move. The force of her attempted movement threw her off balance and she choked on a gasp as she fell face first into the mud. Spitting out what had splashed into her open mouth, she twisted her body to see her boots stuck in the mud. The roar of the beast growing louder, she desperately twisted and turned to pull her feet out of her boots. She could feel her blisters rub against the leather but she didn't feel any pain. She became acutely aware of her breathing and felt almost dizzy from the adrenaline pumping through her blood which she could feel thumping in her ears. She had managed to get one foot loose when the beast leapt onto the fallen tree above her. All sound dropped out and the beast appeared to move in slow motion above her. She could feel the hair everywhere on her body stand upright and her eyes automatically shut tight in the face of her impending death. Such a cowardly reaction. She resolved that if she was going to die then she was going to look it straight in the eye. The beast crouched in preparation to leap forward and Siri winced as it flew into the air above her, though she refused to look away or even scream. The weight of the beast almost crushed her and she could not help the gasp that escaped her mouth. She waited for death. Yet it did not come. The beast on top of her was motionless.

Desperately clambering out from underneath it, her breathing heavy, she looked over the beast. Smoke was spiraling upwards from a blaster shot in its skull, right between the eyes. Slowly, she became aware of the sounds around her again and could hear someone else's heavy breathing in synch with her own. She glanced up and saw Poe, stood blaster in hand, his chest rising and falling with her own. He had saved her and that filled her with indescribable rage. How dare he? She was not some damsel in distress that needed rescuing. What did he gain from her survival? Nothing. There was no point to it. She didn't matter to him. It made little difference whether she lived or died. More angry thoughts swirled around her head before she was compelled to face him. She pulled herself back onto her feet, not caring about her limp, half caused by pain and half caused by only wearing one boot. Stalking over to him, she swung her fists, hoping to connect at least one with his face, but Poe grabbed her wrists before she could do any damage.

"Why did you do that?" Siri screamed into his face.

Poe did not supply her with a response, looking introspective and confused. Siri persisted.

"What was the point? By...helping me, you risked your own life!" She refused to say that he had saved her.

Her second outburst seemed to shake Poe out of his thoughts and he glared angrily. "What and just let you die? I don't do that." He said indignantly before visibly. "We don't do that."

Siri could not even pretend to understand his point of view. What he did was foolish. You never risked your own life for someone who was surely about to die. Better one corpse than two. It was a view that had been pressed upon her during the Academy and was an accepted rule for First Order officers. If attempting to save anyone, no matter who they were, put even just one other life at risk then you left them behind. Such risks were not worth taking and the emotional vulnerability they revealed made you weak. Poe was not the first person Siri had met that could not comprehend that. During an Academy exercise, Siri had been placed in charge of red team during what should have been a simple infiltration simulation. The fact that she had been chosen to lead a team, even in just a simple routine exercise, was reflective of her status among the students and one that she felt rightly proud of. Her team were winning when one fell behind. They had tripped and fell, stupidly injuring themselves in the process. She told everyone to leave him and they all nodded except one. The boy next door had argued back. He disagreed with First Order policy to leave him behind and had gone to rescue him. His choice had caused their team to lose. Siri had been indescribably enraged then too. He had undermined her leadership and cost them sure victory. Siri did not lose. She had ripped her helmet from her head and yelled at him and he had yelled back. He was too emotional. It clouded his judgment. His sympathy made him weak and he could not even follow the simplest of instructions. The Commandant had also been furious, stomping through the training grounds towards him and dragging him away. He was no doubt punished. Poe was similarly weak though if he wanted to get himself killed then he could be her guest. If that was what the Resistance taught them then there was no wonder they had failed in their mission to suppress the Order.

She had not replied to Poe's defence and did not intend to. Thankfully, Poe had not felt the need to push further. Instead of verbally rebutting, she instead stomped over to the beast and knelt in the mud to retrieve her boot from underneath the carcass. Poe only watched while she struggled to retrieve it. When she did, she simply yanked it back onto her foot and strode past him though her sure actions conflicted with her confusion. She still did not understand why he had saved her but because he had she was alive. She wasn't sure how she felt about that.


End file.
